I want to be unconscious?

“Most of us live on the borders of consciousness - consciously serving, consciously devoted to God. All this is immature, it is not the real life yet. The mature stage is the life of a child which is never conscious; we become so abandoned to God that the consciousness of being used never enters in. When we are consciously being used as broken bread and poured-out wine, there is another stage to be reached, where all consciousness of ourselves and of what God is doing through us is eliminated. A saint is never consciously a saint; a saint is consciously dependent on God.” - Oswald Chambers @ http://www.myutmost.org/11/1115.html

Once again, reading Oswald Chambers proves to kick me in the face, and as crazy as it sounds, it feels good.  The funny part about his writing is that it takes me numerous double-takes to capture what he’s trying to say...not because he’s not concise, but because it’s so rich.  The above portion of his devotion for the 15th of November really struck me because of how aware I constantly am of “my spiritual self”.  Very seldom (if ever) do I feel consciously dependent on God, instead I’m almost always wide awake to “how well I am at being a Christian” each day.  I’d love to forget that.  That it’s not about “being a Christian” or me, me, me anything. It’s about being focused on God to the fact that everything else is outside of that consciousness.  That’s where I’d love to be.  That’s where I think I’d learn the most and be of the most value to my family.  

God, make my eyes fix on you. Make me able to focus directly upon you so that I can truly see, so that I can truly forget about “how good I am at it...”