Experiential lack there of

“We have to battle through our moods into absolute devotion to the Lord Jesus, to get out of the hole-and-corner business of our experience into abandoned devotion to Him. Think Who the New Testament says that Jesus Christ is, and then think of the despicable meanness of the miserable faith we have - I haven't had this and that experience!” - My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chabers @ http://www.myutmost.org/11/1113.html


So, I decided to take a 5 minute break from my busy work morning to have a much needed quiet moment with God...what I instead received was a little kick in the face “wake up Stephen, and respect who I am”.  I have long considered myself a faith driven believer in God. One who experiences His love and believes whole-heartedly in Him, but yet I’m terrible at getting excited about sitting still for long periods of time (and by long periods, I mean 20 minutes or more) to dive into His word.  

The above nugget from today’s devotion on My Utmost for His Highest simply reminds me, that my wanting to be okay with “experiencing God” is ultimately a despicable way to treat the God who laid down His life and died so that I might have life.  Who am I to be so chill with my relationship with God? I deserve nothing, yet I have everything because of Him, and I await moments with Him as opposed to seeking out more of his thirst quenching water.  I have let the crutch of “I’m not big into reading” handicap any diligence I could have with God and have allowed my heart to only be warmed by His light when it fits into my schedule.  I desire to seek Him out, not only for my own heart, but also for the hearts God has entrusted into my life. My wife and son. How am I to be a spiritual leader when my name shouldn’t be placed anywhere near the word “spiritual”. How am I to raise a son to know and love God, when I barely raise a finger to know God more myself. God forgive me and make me whole again so that you can fill me up with your righteousness and light in order that I may shine YOU for my family.

My prayer today is that I remember this verse not only tomorrow, but hours from now when my mind tries to forget this and that God would grant me some of the much needed diligence for time spent with Him.