Unutterable Trust...do I have that???

As a Christian, who finds himself in plenty of situations where "being spiritual" is a part of the dance, I recognize that I throw out the "God is in control" statement well before I even think about believing my own words in certain situations. What I mean is that, in a group setting, with the coffee cup in hand and the piece of key lime pie sitting neatly in my lap as a group of people sit in a circle and hash through a book we may (or may not) have read the chapter for this week, and go around the circle to discuss our prayer requests and praises...it's so my personality to instantly throw out the "well I know God is in control with _________ ...."

Don't get me wrong...I do believe God is in control and has a plan for me in all aspects of my life, but if I'm being transparent/real, I have to say that it's not always the first thing I think...usually my first reaction is "Holy smokes Batman, how am I going to fix this situation, solve this dilema, make this life changing choice, get that big raise, be a good Dad, etc etc", with emphasis on the "How am I?" I want to be led, I want to have Unutterable Trust. Maybe the first step is realizing I'm an addict. An addict of control, who wants to submit to an authority that knows me better than I know myself...I've fallen off this wagon numerous times, but today...today is 1 day sober of my control addiction. Lord lead me, catch me when I fall, and keep me "on the wagon" so to speak w/ "my walk"